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Beltway X Files: New Species of Deadly Reptilian Invertebrate Found in Washington DC


1-Al-Franken-Senator
(IMAGE: Rare photograph of the Franken-Chameleon, above)

Patrick Henningsen
21st Century Wire
Beltway Bio-Hazard Correspondent

WASHINGTON D.C. – There is an air of excitement among the biological science community at Washington DC’s Smithsonian Institute at the moment. A rare new species of political animal has been discovered lurking around Capitol Hill and has been causing quite a stir.

According to scientists, it’s a brand new hybrid reptilian-invertebrate named the Franken-Chameleon, which has developed a number of unique abilities including political camouflage and even shape-shifting.

The Franken-Chameleon is a jovial and sometimes playful, yet cunning, pudgy little creature, who will often alter its appearance to emulate certain characteristics of two other dominant and highly deadly species also known to wander in and around the congressional and senate buildings on Capitol Hill – these other two creatures being the elusive Progressive Side-winder snake, and the bolshy Chicken-Hawk Rat – two animals that have managed to somehow advance through the processes of political evolution in Washington and infest most federal government buildings. There is one fundamental difference between them and the Franken-Chameleon. The latter is classed as an invertebrate, and therefore has no backbone.

Biologists believe that some of the Franken-Cameleon’s political shape-shifting abilities are derived from its keen instinct for survival and career preservation within Washington’s innately cruel but financially rewarding political environment.

404px-AlFranken2009Scientists have also discovered that the Franken-Chameleon has been nesting in a Senate office, and has also managed to occupy a chair on the Senate Judiciary Committee. The creature sometimes takes a human-like form, and has been identified as the former Saturday Night Live comedian, Senator Al Franken (See photo left)

Many political biology buffs and observers may look at this Darwinian epic only to be left wondering: how do you make the jump from getting paid millions of dollars for writing adolescent jokes for late night television, and then get elected to the United States Senate? The answer can be explained in terms of the genetic alteration of one’s own political DNA…

Al Franken ran for office by marketing himself as a liberal “outsider” to the political jungle in Washington, which helped to transform him into a “man of the people” for political marketing purposes.After initially losing his Minnesota US Senate election to Norm Coleman, he was miraculously declared the winner some days later following a controversial vote recount in that state. A real Cinderella story for this man of the people. This week he showed just how well he has become adapted to the ways of Washington DC, by employing the art of doublespeak, as he stepped up to defend the totalitarian monster and budget black hole known as the National Security Agency (NSA).

When challenged directly on the issue of the unconstitutional and illegal warrantless data profiling and wiretapping being practiced by the NSA, rather than taking the side of the people, Franken instead defended the NSA, before dropping in a political qualifier at the end which pretends to oppose it.

From the National Journal this week:

Franken, the Minnesota Democrat who is on the Senate Judiciary Committee, knew about the data-mining. Or at least that’s what he told Minnesota’s WCCO on Tuesday. “I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people”, Franken said. The senator also believes the data collection has saved American lives:

“I have a high level of confidence that this is used to protect us, and I know that it has been successful in preventing terrorism.

There are certain things that are appropriate for me to know that is not appropriate for the bad guys to know.”

Franken’s claim to political pedigree is that was a champion of liberalism through his radio persona which he got into after he ran out of jokes for SNL. Here the Franken-Chameleon demonstrates his adeptness in changing his liberal stripes when deferring to the weight of the NSA’s over-arching power is on display.

Franken-Chameleon shape-shifts further on the issue of NSA spying, as explained by journalist Norman Solomon:

“Franken is now saying he’ll introduce a bill for “transparency” because the public will support the current surveillance programs if they grasp what’s really involved: ” I think that if there were greater transparency, Americans would have a better understanding of these programs.” Count on transparency to be a buzzword cloak for more of the same.”

This craft of speaking out of two sides of the mouth is the current modus operandi employed by shape-shifting politicians who are more concerned with self-preservation than actually being in touch with the mood of the public. It’s for this reason that America is witnessing the most impotent and dysfunctional federal government in the nation’s history.

This level of shape-shifting can make any observer dizzy who’s attempting to get a political fix on a creature like the Franken-Chameleon, but it gets more bizarre, as the NJ points out here:

“In an early 2006 AlterNet interview before he was officially running for Senate, Franken disparaged the Bush administration’s NSA warrantless-surveillance program, laughing off a similar rationale to the one he’s used in part to justify the current program:

“They’re trying to justify these warrantless wiretaps by saying, “Oh, it’s al-Qaida!” One guy is saying it’s just al-Qaida–the Hayden guy, and then on the other hand, you hear from the FBI that they were inundated with referrals on all kinds of stuff with these calls, so much so that they couldn’t get to their real work, and that none of the referrals led anywhere.”

So there’s Mr. Al Franken – the actor and comedian, who made his name as a liberal radio host and ran for Senate as a liberal “man of the people” – yet, it’s men like this who are working hard to undermine the Constitutional efforts of men like Congressman Justin Amash, whose NSA anti-snooping Amendment proposal known as “a vow to defend the Fourth Amendment” amendment, would have been pivotal in pushing back the digital tyranny that has engulfed America.

It’s important to define the Fourth Amendment in terms of the federal government and the NSA’s desire to spy and profile and archive its citizen’s digital communications. The Fourth Amendment states:

” The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. 

Unfortunately, Amash’s anti-NSA measure was killed in the House as 134 Republicans and 83 Democrats votes were cast against it.

Amash defeat did reveal however, that the odd Franken-Chameleon is one of many invertebrate animals living in the nation’s capital, all of whom are easily intimidated into doing the bidding of another older, dinosaur-like vertebrate creature who roams the Hill – a deadly female reptilian political predator known as the Pelosis-Lacertas.

The Pelosis-Lacertas was seen calling an emergency meeting in advance of the NSA amendment vote which was absolutely pivotal in defeating Justin Amash’s constitutional effort.

On the pro-liberty side/pro-constitutional side, 94 Republicans and 111 Democrats displayed some backbone by voting yes, but it wasn’t quite enough, as the measure lost, 217-205.

Make no mistake about it, Minnesota’s Democrat Senator Al Franken is now officially, “A Friend of the NSA”, and therefore, in opposition of the US Constitution.

READ MORE ELECTION NEWS AT: 21st Century Wire 2016 Files