The Babylon Bee says…
Stick to this approved list of certified family-friendly horror films that are sure to scare any conservative Christian family. Have a safe and responsible Halloween! We mean Harvest!
Turn off the lights and put on one of these terrifying flicks:
- That clip of Joe Biden talking to a ghost: The twist is that he was dead the whole time!
- Any clip of Kamala Harris talking about a tragedy: Never have you heard diabolical laughter this diabolical.
- The View: Six women talking about politics with no sensible men present to mansplain to them? A conservative’s worst nightmare. Whoever can withstand it the longest wins! But at what cost?
- A Joel Osteen Sermon: You can almost smell the hellfire and sulfur burning as he speaks!
- That She-Hulk twerking scene: You haven’t known horror until you witness CG twerking.
- A Boston Children’s Gender Clinic informational video: Worse than any Saw film.
- Televangelist reruns from the week leading up to Y2K: These will scar you for life. Hope you’re ready for the rapture!
- Mark Zuckerberg’s Metaverse commercial: It’s like he’s human… but not quite. You can debate your theories for hours!
- That Rings of Power slow-mo shot of Galadriel smiling creepily on a horse: (shudder)
- Footage of Antifa riots: The braindead walk!
Watch all of them this season, if you dare!
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