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How to Become an Authorised Fact Checker

Dr. Vernon Coleman
21st Century Wire

There are 198,000 fact checkers in the world today. They all know that being a fact checker is easier and safer than robbing banks, and far more lucrative.

Around 98% of Fact Checkers have no qualifications whatsoever and over 97% are illiterate and innumerate. The average Fact Checker earns around £750,000 a month. (These facts were checked by reputable Fact Checkers.) So do you become a fact checker? It’s very easy – just follow these simple guidelines:

  1. Go to school until you are six-years-old so that you can say you had an education. (Being able to read and/or write is an option though you will need to add up large sums of money in order to keep track of all the money you are given.)
  2. Learn to tell lies without feeling embarrassed or ashamed.
  3. Open a website with a name which has one or more of the following words in the title: ‘fact’, ‘approved’, ‘check’, ‘truth’, ‘authorised’, ‘independent’, ‘bollocks’, ‘misinformation’, ‘international’, ‘global’, ‘authorised’ and ‘disinformation’.
  4. Write to your Government and to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and invite them to sponsor you with large, regular payments direct into your bank account.
  5. Look around on the internet for people who are telling the truth. Then simply say that they are lying. There is no need to try to prove that they are lying. Remember the Fact Checker’s mantra: ‘Knowledge is an impediment to criticism’. Your Government will give you the names of people to target.

That’s it! Now you can be a fully-fledged, authorised, approved Fact Checker and become exceedingly rich in no time at all. Hundreds of thousands of others have succeeded – why shouldn’t you?

Vernon Coleman’s short novel Balancing the Books describes how the widow of a once successful author found innovative ways to murder reviewers who gave her husband’s books one star reviews without bothering to read them.

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